Star Trek: The Pooping conundrum

Inspired by Villian-Supporter on Reddit

It was on a grey rocky planet with minimum atmosphere where puddles of ooze were discovered. Within those small pools of amniotic fluid a bacteria was scanned, collected and sent back to Earth for further study.

A man named Richard Egesta made this bacteria his life’s work.

What he discovered changed the world.

The bacteria ingested matter much like humans ingested oxygen. Once digested the waste was excreted like carbon dioxide.

First he injected it into mice. His excitement when the mice stopped excreting poo was immense.

He applied for human trials and was denied.

So he injected himself with the bacteria.

For two years he managed to avoid the bathroom, the only problem was his breath stunk so bad he was no longer able to hold vocal conversations with people.

He eventually lost his Star Fleet commission and died begging to be listened to, “No one need go to the latrine ever again,” he would scream.

But people could only flinch at the smell in response.

It took fifty years after his death for the right scientist, Commander Halitosis, to discover his research, tweak it and win the right for human trials.

Egesta ultimately was given credit for revolutionizing human waste management and ending the human shit problem, but sadly Halitosis doomed himself into an association with bad breath that will likely last eternity.

Published by Bryan Aiello

Raised on Florida’s Gulf Coast, Bryan served in the Army, graduated from the University of South Florida and now calls Brooklyn home. For more of his fiction and updates on his podcasts, follow him on Twitter: @bryaiello and Reddit: /u/voyage_of_roadkill.

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