Pet Shopping

“But daddy I wanted one of the cute humans, this one is all sad and fat.”

Fat, I think poking my midriff, I am not fat, “excuse me?” I begin hoping to get the older green blob to turn back around from the instrument panel he uses to navigate the craft out of the Earthen atmosphere.

“Beggars can’t be choosers. I had very little time to decide.”

“Look, everyone,” I say again standing up and for the first time not being concerned with how naked I was. “I am not a pet.”

“Oh, daddy. Never mind look he is talking like he thinks he’s Zopnok!”

“Oh God,” I scream as the blob picks me up by my left arm. I dangle as she licks my face with a transparent tongue, or what I assume is a tongue only because I would rather it be that and not some other alternative.

As she licks I scream.

“Oh daddy this one loves me, it’s purring.”

“As long as you’re happy darling.”

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