Called to Talk to God

I sputter out of reality.

I say sputter because that’s how it felt. Like my atoms, all spat a raspberry at the same time. One moment I am taking a cold shower, not by choice, but because the whole building uses the same water heater and I decided to get ready for the day after nine. I am taking my cold shower and cleaning myself with the collected mass of eight different bars of soap, used to slivers, and then sputter, completely soaped down and with shampoo in my hair.

One moment showering and then off to what, I can’t say. A nothing. A calm bliss of zero. It might have been a moment, or eternity, but eventually, my atoms reversed the sputter, and it was not so gentle. It felt like being slammed together with the force of falling down a flight of stairs, and when it was done, I was here.

Here is in a glass jar with a cork on top being stared at by a giant thing with red tentacles flowing from his face like a glorious beard.

He wears a red robe.

His purple face breaks up into a beaming smile, showing a black mouth, and the kind of ugly that reminds me of something I saw accidentally once, and would prefer never to be reminded of.

Vaguely shaped like a human man, he holds my jar up, and a crowd of similarly dressed creatures cheer.

“Hello, hello, is this thing even on?” it’s a sudden voice, loud and clear in my head. It quivers my brain. “hello?”

I scream, “stop,” despite completely doubting my sanity.

As the crowd roars in celebration for my completed unsputtering, the voice continues, “So you can hear me?”

“God, please, yes, stop talking,” I beg, feeling my skull crack in response to the noise.

“Fantastic, and I see introductions are done as well. When they are ready to listen, you and I have much work to do. Hello? Hello? Oh fuck, Dave, I think another one has died. You gotta turn this shit down. I think it might be too loud.”

Published by Bryan Aiello

Raised on Florida’s Gulf Coast, Bryan served in the Army, graduated from the University of South Florida and now calls Brooklyn home. For more of his fiction and updates on his podcasts, follow him on Twitter: @bryaiello and Reddit: /u/voyage_of_roadkill.

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